I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Just pee around me
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
