its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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