You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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