You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I made him laugh his dick is mine
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Verdict: uncircumcised.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
