A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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