I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
