sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
