either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
