there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
