Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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