She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
