I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
