my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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