Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
