I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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