Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
