Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
