I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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