At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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