Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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