We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
