I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
