After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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