I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
