me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
