I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
