are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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