Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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