I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
