I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
