I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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