hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize