i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
