I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
