Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
