Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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