just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
