I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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