You smell like a Billy Joel song
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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