so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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