ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
