you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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