no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
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my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
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Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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