You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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