I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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