I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
