I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
