sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
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