He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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