I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i already hear my dad disowning me
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
im having a threesome with these popsicles
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
i think i just lost a toe
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
