its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
