I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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