I am puke
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Randomize
