how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
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no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
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it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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