he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
