She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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