Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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