Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
