Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
