There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
