Betty ford says i'm here all night
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
it's not cheating when I paid for it
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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