I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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